It has been a couple of years now since I truly documented my family life. To be honest, I was tired. I was tired of comparing my life to others. My images were never “good enough” because of this. I let this eat at me until I had nothing left to give and my camera came nothing more than a paper weight on a desk.
Im stepping into this year to change all of this. Because I was always worried about what everyone else thought about my life and my work, my children now have HUGE GAPS in their photographic memory boxes that have nothing there. All because I was too worried. Too tired. Too bored. I could no longer see the beauty in the mundane. I mean, there is only so many ways a person can photograph the kids in the exact same kitchen. Or doing the exact same chores. Or wearing the same old outfit.
But the truth is, I use to push so hard for us mundane shooters. It was my passion. It was what helped me get through the though days of motherhood. It was what helped my anxiety get through messes or when kids broke my shit. Instead of yelling, I simply took a photo. It would trigger some kind of balance in my brain that let whatever this thing was, slow down and become art instead. Then suddenly I wasnt mad anymore.
I miss this side of myself. The side that didnt give a flying fuck about what anyone else thought about my work. About how we live. Or about anything else for that matter. So I am doing this project to climb my way out of the bottom of this gunk I have poured over my creative soul for the past 2 years.
I read something in a group the other day from a photographer friend, Ana Myer, that said something about photography being like finger painting for adults. You basically
1. DO WHAT YOU WANT
2. SPREAD THAT SHIT EVERYWHERE
2018 will be my year to learn to love photography again. I always start projects just to fail at them a few months later, but this feels different. Like my soul has to work through this and the only way it knows how is by picking up this camera. On the good days, the bad days, the boring days and exciting days. Its an ebb and flow of our daily life and I have to learn to work through this. Some images will frankly suck. Some will be ok. And sprinkled in there will be a few really awesome shots. But Ill never know which days hold the best magic if I dont start shooting again.
This year I will not care what anyone thinks about my images. I will not get hung up on “likes” and opinions. I will not stress over how my editing shifts and changes, image to image. I will RELAX.
Im only going to worry about documenting my life the way I see it.
The way I want to.
And that is absolutely freeing.
1/52 – Naptime
Other images I liked from this week